Every single person on the planet can relate to being hurt or upset by the actions or words of another. Perhaps someone criticised you, made you feel physically or emotionally unsafe, or acted irresponsibly…
Whatever the reason for your hurt, lasting feelings of anger and bitterness can live on and have ongoing consequences in different areas of our life.
What is forgiveness?
The general definition for forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group that has harmed you, whether or not they actually deserve your forgiveness.
While forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting, reconciling, condoning or excusing bad behaviour, it can bring you peace of mind and release negative feelings and anger, and simply move on with life.
Benefits of forgiving
You might be surprised by the number of negative impacts that wallowing in anger or bitter memories can have not only on your body, but life in general. Simply letting go of the past can lead to:
- Improved mental health
- Stronger and healthier relationships
- Lowered anxiety, stress and hostility
- Better self-esteem
- A stronger immune system
- Reduced depression symptoms
- Improved heart health and lower blood pressure
Why do we hold grudges?
By constantly dwelling on or ruminating over painful events, situations, or conversations, we bring ourselves into a state where resentment can take root. When we’re in this heightened state, it becomes harder and harder to get out of it.
Staying in this state, or not making effort to overcome these growing feelings of resentment, can flow through to any new and current relationships regardless of whether that person has hurt you. You may also find that your connection with others is no longer as enriching as it once was, or you might start feeling listless or lacking purpose.
But, how do I forgive?
While some people are quick to forgive and take to forgiveness naturally, anyone can learn how to do it with a little willpower. Or, at least become more forgiving.
- Identify what needs healing. Acknowledge your emotions and how they’re affecting you. Once you’ve gotten to the root of your feelings, you can work to heal them.
- Choose forgiveness. In choosing to forgive, we take a huge weight off our shoulders. Feel happier and healthier in simply just putting the past behind you.
- Take back control. We can often see ourselves as a victim in certain situations. Flip the script and move away from your victim status and release the power of the person or situation that wronged you.
- Put yourself in someone else’s shoes. By trying to see their point of view you might find it easier to understand their situation and why they did what they did, and in turn find it easier to forgive.
- Seek therapy or support. If you’re struggling to let go, you might need to give yourself perspective. Reaching out to a counsellor or mental health professional can help understand the situation and find peace.
For those really struggling to forgive (remember, that doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting or reconciling with the person) practicing gratitude can help overcome the hurdles that come with forgiveness. Read more about gratitude practices here.
What if you’re the one that needs forgiving?
Firstly, don’t judge yourself too harshly. We’ve all been there, and we’ve all made mistakes. Acknowledge your wrongdoing and understand how you have affected others. Then, make a proper apology without excuses.
Admit what you did and share your sincere regrets, and if a resolution is required, tell the person how you’re going to fix the situation. Keep in mind, however, that you can’t force someone to give you forgiveness. Give them their time and space, and eventually they might come back to you.
Want to know more about Fernwood? Check out our amazing collection of services and start achieving your health, fitness and wellness goals today!